When we were kids...

Don't you wish, sometimes, that we were kids again? No major responsibilities, other than usually taking care of pets or doing some sort of chores or homework. Our parents told us what to do and we listened for the most part. We didn't have to make the decisions. We didn't have to weigh out the pros and cons of our paths. We just followed along and knew that our parents knew best.

Life is tough. Growing up isn't as cracked up as I thought it would be. You have to make hard decisions and trust that what you are doing is going to be the way you do it, no matter what the consequences. I have never been someone who can make a split second decision. I usually have to ponder on it, weigh out the pros and cons, think about every possible scenario (good and bad), take a poll from people that I trust who make good decisions, and then finally come to the deciding factor. Life doesn't always let you do that though. No matter how hard I try, I can't control every aspect of my life. It's funny that I am a nurse, because with being a nurse you need to make those quick, life or death decisions where you don't always have a panel to get information from. Why God wanted me to be a nurse, I have no idea. Sometimes I hate it. I hate that I can't do everything that I want to do in a 12 hour shift; I hate that I can't do more for my patients; I hate that I'm stretched so thin that I barely have enough time to accomplish the necessary functions of life for myself (eating, going to the bathroom, etc.); I hate that I will never know everything that I need to know to get through the day at a hospital. I thought being a nurse would get easier the more experience I had and the more comfortable I became on a particular unit. I'm beginning to realize that I may never be comfortable. I see so many people who are just as stressed as I am with years and years more experience than I have. Is this what I have to look forward to? I know there are the patients that make my day a little easier and the ones that I have a special place in my heart for, but is it worth it all the other time to make myself sick before work, to be so upset when something goes wrong, to not be able to sleep the night before because I am so nervous on what could be, to be so stressed out at work with all that's going on around me I can barely think straight? I'm sure other people have felt the way I've felt, but I don't know how much more of this I can take. I know that I need to press through the tough times to make it worth while, but I'm not really seeing any light at the end of the tunnel here. I long for a job that isn't necessarily easy, but one that comes second nature to me--that I don't struggle with every second I'm there. But, then I would probably get bored and always be striving for more.

I realize that life isn't going to slow down, no matter how hard I wish it would. With that being said, Brent and I are looking for a house, which is another big life altering decision. I don't even want to imagine how I'm going to feel when we have pets and children in our lives as well. Does it get easier the more decisions you make? I guess I will just keep telling myself that. I know that I need to fully depend on God and that he has my whole life figured out, but sometimes I wish the decisions were already made and I had an arrow pointing me in the right direction. If I knew that God wanted me to be a nurse, then I would do it. I would tough it out and suck it up and make the best of it. I suppose I should probably just do that anyway. It'll make the ride more enjoyable.

I need to have the mindset of a child. God is my ultimate decision maker. He is going to lead me in the right direction on where to go and what to do. He will take care of me, just like my parents did. He knows what is best. I need to trust in Him for everything, and life will figure itself out.

I've been reading a book called A Positive Plan for Creating More Calm, Less Stress by Karol Ladd. There is a poem in it that I have been trying to keep in mind when I get crazy stressed and worried:

"Said the robin to the sparrow,

'I really do not know

Why it is these human beings

Rush about and worry so.'

Said the sparrow to the robin,

'I think that it must be

That they have no Heavenly Father,

Such as cares for you and me.'"

It's kind of silly, but I love it. God takes care of everything, even the birds of the air and the lilies of the field. He doesn't let anything fend for itself--everything has a perfect and beautiful plan. Why can't I get my head around that? He will take care of you and me--I need to focus on my blesses and not the burdens of this world. I need to set myself apart from the world because I have JESUS!! And that's all that matters in the end :)

More Changes

From my previous posts, I had been alluding/stating a potential relocation to Nashville, Tennessee. Well, folks, that plan has no longer an option for a few weeks now. I had been trying to be positive about it, because I knew that would be the best way for Brent to get a teaching job and I would have some great opportunities for nursing, but it wasn't settling right in my spirit. I kept thinking about all of the things we would be missing out on with family and the whole process of moving and relocating and the fact that we would be leaving an area that desperately needs our help--it just seemed like a lot of issues for no guarantee of Brent getting a job. We had plans of going down to Tennessee the first weekend of May for a teaching job fair. But, the weekend before we were going to go down, Keri and Jeremiah told us that they were moving back to Michigan asap. This news had Brent and I take a step back for a second and re-evaluate if we would want to be doing the same thing after we got down there. After a few discussions, we have now decided to stay and make the best of what we can here in Michigan. We are going to exhaust all options for Brent to get a job in the Saginaw area and if God wants us to stay here, a job will open up for him. After we made the decision to stay, I felt like a heavy load had been lifted off of my shoulders and I was at ease about the future and what we were doing. I know Saginaw/Flint isn't the greatest place to be in the US, but this area needs our help more than any other. I have had a passion to help make Saginaw/Flint a better place for awhile, but have no idea how to get it started. I have complained enough about how bad the crime is and how bad our economy is. Instead of complaining, I need to do something about it. Hopefully I can figure out exactly what that is and how I will be going about doing that soon. I've really been pressing hard into spending quality time with God and hoping that he will reveal those answers to me. It's all in his perfect and precious timing now. I just need to be obedient and wait and listen.

Vanderbilt career?

I mentioned Vanderbilt in the last post, but I wanted to elaborate a little more on what it's all about and the thoughts I've been having about it. Vanderbilt was the only hospital that got back with me about having a tour there when we visited. There are other hospitals outside of Nashville that I would love to check out, because the traffic in Nashville is kind of crazy. I'm not used to driving on the expressway to work, let alone be in bumper to bumper congestion on my way to work. I like to have a peaceful drive, jam to some tunes, and get ready for the 12 hour work day I have ahead of me. I feel I would be more stressed getting to work than actually at work, which, for me, is A LOT of stress already. That's really the only set back I can think of about working there. They have awesome benefits, will pay for school, are super flexible with schedules, have great discounts at tons of places, and it's a Magnet hospital (one of the top hospitals in the world--attracts nurses because of all of the great perks). I did get a call back from Centennial hospital and I have tours set up there when we go back down at the beginning of May. Now, if I can just get Middle Tennessee Medical Center/St. Thomas to call back, then I'll be able to see the whole picture. I've also been applying like crazy to all of these hospitals for any callbacks at all. I'm also having a hard time figuring out what type of unit I want to work in. It would probably be best to work Med/Surg if I want to go back to Nurse Practitioner school, but I really do love working with babies. So, that's another God thing I suppose. Hopefully he will give me that "painfully obvious" blatant understanding in that decision as well. And, I already applied to get a Tennessee nursing license. We really are putting a lot of effort into this state and hopefully it pays off. But if it doesn't and we end up somewhere else, we are happy for that too. Wherever God wants us to be, we'll be there. We are putting it in his hands and letting him do his thing.

Tennessee Adventures

Tennessee is an absolutely beautiful state! I was so excited to see all of the green and to experience the warm weather. Brent and I left for Nashville Monday, April 5th and headed back by Thursday, April 8th. It was a short trip, but very busy and packed with tours of hospitals, elementary school stops, house dreaming, and you can't leave out fun with friends and family! We stayed with Keri and Jeremiah in their super cute apartment and were able to have dinner with Meghan and Jacob one night. It's so refreshing to hang out with a group of great people that we get along so well with. We have friends we get along with great in Michigan, but to know that we have people near the place where we might be living is exciting. That will probably be the hardest thing for me --to leave all of my family and friends here. I wish I could take everyone with us when we do have to move, but I know that isn't realistic. We will just have to take plenty of vacations to Michigan and get all the frequent flyer miles we can get AND we will have to have a big enough living space to have lots and lots of visitors :) OPEN INVITE RIGHT NOW FOR ANYONE WHO WANTS TO VISIT! We would love to have you as guests in our new home :)

Brent was able to stop at 7 different elementary schools near Nashville and drop off his resume. He also has a friend from high school that works at one of the elementary schools. She was able to send him a link of the open positions in Rutherford county that we didn't even know about. Brent was able to get his resume e-mailed to those schools before the deadline--praise the Lord :) We are planning on going back to Tennessee in the beginning of May for a teaching job fair in Murfreesboro, so hopefully those resumes will make an impression on the principals. I mean, c'mon, who wouldn't want Brent as their kid's school teacher? :) I may be a little partial.

I was able to take two tours when we were down in Nashville of Vanderbilt--one of the main campus and the other of the Children's Hospital. What a phenomenal and gorgeous facility! AND they would pay for my Master's in full after I worked there for 15 months (12 credit hours/year which is definitely a plus!!!). The Human Resources Nurse Recruiters were phenomenal! I can't say enough great things about both of them--they were so helpful and nice and really went above and beyond what they had to do to make me feel welcome. They had wonderful southern hospitality :). Not only did I have a tour at the main hospital, but the recruiter set up an impromptu interview with one of the managers of a unit that had an opening. I was so glad we could make that work. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Vanderbilt is where I can start working.

And, I can't say this enough, but Keri and Jeremiah are awesome hosts! They feed us dinner and let us stay with them all the time, even when they have to work the next day :) We had so much fun with them painting pottery, driving around Nashville, looking at houses in Murfreesboro, and watching movies. It was like we were still neighbors at Waterside--we just picked up right where we left off. We would LOVE to be neighbors again someday.

We also found this cute little restaurant on our way home from Tennessee called Willie D's Cafe in Indiana, just outside of Madison. They had awesome food--especially their potato soup--and it was family owned! I love supporting local businesses. I'd much rather give my money to the mom and pop shops than the huge chains out there. We will definitely be visiting that establishment more often on our trips.

I'm sure we will have many more Tennessee Adventures to come! We will keep you posted :)

So Many Changes...

Okay, I have a list of things I need to write about--they may not all make it on this post, but they will eventually! Here's the line up:

1-Complimenting Doctor

2-Tennessee Adventures

3-Vanderbilt Career?

4-Precious time

5-Puppies!

6-A-ma-za-zing friends

1-Complimenting Doctor

From all of the not-so-nice things that have been said to me by doctors, I actually have an amazing life changing compliment that was given to me a few weeks back. First, let's rewind--I started working on a surgical floor in December. It has been a rough transition to say the least and I was starting to wonder if nursing was really what I was supposed to be doing with my life. I was considering going back to school for another degree or maybe going on for my masters, but I wasn't sure what degree specifically I should get. Nothing really stood out or was helping to guide me in the right direction. I had been praying A LOT regarding this conundrum and I specifically prayed that God would tell me and make it "painfully obvious" what I was supposed to be doing so I wouldn't have any doubts in my mind what exactly he wanted me to do. I prayed the "painfully obvious" statement for a few weeks and I knew it was going to hit me in the face eventually. So, lo and behold, I was working one day doing some charting on a computer and a doctor was sitting next to me doing the same. We said our pleasantries and were chit chatting and the topic of school came up. The doctor asked me, "So, are you in school right now?", and I was thinking he was talking about RN school. So I responded with no, that I graduated a year ago with my bachelors. And he said, "No, I mean for your Masters? Are you thinking about going back for that?" The idea of going back has crossed my mind, but with Brent finishing up school it just didn't seem like the right timing. So I said no, not right now. And his response to my statement blew me away and I wasn't expecting it at all. He said, "well, I don't tell many nurses this, but I think you should definitely go back to get your Masters. You see the whole picture, you are a pleasant person, and you would make a great Nurse Practitioner. And what a better time than now to do it, since it's going to be made a doctorate degree in 2015." Really? Wow, I NEVER thought I would get a compliment like that, especially from a doctor! Most of the doctors yell at me for something that I didn't know to do, or laugh in my face for asking a question, or scoff at me for not knowing what to do in a particular situation. This was such an extreme change from the norm that I knew it had to be from God. This was my "painfully obvious" request!!! That doctor didn't have to say that to me. He could have just went on his way, going about his ridiculously busy day and could have just passed through without saying a word to me. But he did talk to me and said one of the nicest things anyone could have said. I was very grateful that he helped me out in more ways than he'll ever know.

Ok, I need to go make dinner for the hubster. Maybe I can tackle another topic later on! :)

Strength of a Tree

So, I'm new to this whole blogging world--bear with me :) Brent started this for me at the beginning of the year and I never really thought much about it. As of late, the blog had been in the back of my mind and I would have things happen throughout the day that I thought would be awesome posts. The events that happened today while shopping with Beth will forever change my life and I wanted to share it for my first entry. Here it goes:

Beth and I went to Somerset shopping today in the crazy blizzarding snow storm. Can you tell we are hardcore shoppers? :) Well, as you can probably tell, we had a long car ride--2 hours to be exact. We had great conversation to have the time pass, but the best talk we had was regarding her tree bracelet pictured here (hers is silver though). She personally bought it to remind her of an epiphany she had. She was thinking one day about a tree and how when there are strong winds, that the weak branches and some of the fruit fall off and are no longer part of the tree. And then she compared that to her life. When there are strong winds in her life, which parts of her tree would fall off? Would they be the things that don't really matter, like facebook, television, and other hobbies? Or would it be things that are very important, like God, family, friends, etc.? She bought the bracelet as a reminder to herself to keep God as one of the good fruits and branches in her life.

This story got me thinking about my life lately. I have been having such a hard time with work and life and dealing with the reality that being in the real world brings. I have had some very strong winds shaking my tree for sure. And I know that I haven't had the strongest relationship with God that I should have. I have been worrying and anxious and not coping well with how to handle difficult situations. The story that Beth told me opened up my eyes to what I needed to focus on. I have been trying to figure out ways that I can deal with my emotions that I've been feeling, when really I need to focus on the foundation of my life. I need God to be my strong roots and branches and fruit so when tumultuous winds wreak havoc on life, I will know that I will be standing when the winds calm down. I will be stronger than ever. I love this verse " Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1: 2-4 NIV. I want to have that perseverance mentioned in the above verse. I want to have complete faith in God and know that I can lean on him to get through anything. Sometimes I think I put too much pressure on myself to be able to get things done, when really I can do nothing without God. I pray every day that God will provide situations for me to shine His marvelous light into people's lives. I was starting to doubt if nursing was the way I was going to be able to do this by how it was making me feel, but there couldn't be a better way that I could. With every person I take care of, I am showing God's love through my actions and my words and my kindness. With that being said, I also bought a bracelet today too just like the one pictured above. A tree will forever be a reminder to me to build my foundation in Him.

Ok, I think that should be it for tonight!